I know a Filipina lesbian my age who invites her long-term girlfriend over to family events, where her extended family openly joke about sexually transmitted diseases and the logistics of lesbian sex. Unfortunately, situations like this are more the exception than the rule. As Asian American movies, literature and personal anecdotes have taught us, homosexuality and Asian parents usually do not mix very well.
In my AA literature class, we read a good deal of short stories about unhappy, repressed Asian families who are bad at expressing affection for each other. As my professor rhetorically asked several times during lectures, "Why is it that relationships between Asian fathers and sons are always so problematic?"
Add homosexuality to the relationship and you have a whole new can of worms to deal with.
For some reason or another, I've come to befriend a lot of gay Asian males in college. While I clearly suck at having any meaningful romantic connections with heterosexual men, I seem to be really good at forming long-lasting friendships with gay Asian males. As horribly clichéd as it sounds, these boys are my confidantes for stupid boy talk, great shopping advice and late night boba runs. I would venture to say that life without them would be a little less fabulous.
My heart goes out to them because even in a post-"Will and Grace" world, they oftentimes have to repress the core of who they are when they are at home. I've heard too many stories from friends who run away from home, have parents tell them to watch out for homosexuals as if they are in the same category as drug addicts, and choose to stay in the closet around family members for fear that they will kick them out, withdraw emotional support and stop paying for their college tuition.
One of my favorite people in the world, who is a second-generation Chinese American, is unafraid to flirt openly with straight men, dance around in public wearing a skirt and sing a lot of musical numbers while walking on campus. I was shocked to learn that someone so flamboyantly confident would have parents who don't know that he is gay. Apparently, he is a lot more quiet and subdued when he is around his own family.
I know another gay Vietnamese American my age who, upon coming out to his parents, was almost kicked out and temporarily ran away from home even though he was the kind of good Asian kid who brought home straight A's and was generally the obedient son. He is currently in a long-term relationship with another Asian boy, where they have to sneak around making phone calls to each other just so their respective parents don't find out.
My heart goes out for my gay Asian male friends, and all the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender sisters and brothers in our AA community who still have so much homophobia to deal with not only in mainstream society, but within their own families.
Don't get me wrong, though. I don't want to make this a doom and gloom story about the impossibility of homosexuality existing within Asian families. Things are slowly changing.
I have faith in our generation of young AAs who are more open-minded, are lucky enough to have movies like "Saving Face," go dancing on gay Asian nights in West Hollywood clubs and organize spoken-word events at local coffeehouses for the LGBT community.
While our hearts may be broken by family and friends who do not completely understand, we are still unafraid to create a safer, more accepting community for the next generation of young AAs that will follow us.
Just imagine. Two AA lesbians getting married and adopting kids. Or a proud AA father who is unashamed and supporting of his gay son. It shouldn't have to be such impossible scenarios for this generation and the next.
That would be quite awesome. Or as my very gay friend would put it, fabulous.
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