Minnesota's Adult Adopted Koreans Connect at AK Connection
With the highest number of Korean adoptees in any state, Minnesota is in a unique position to help build networks.
At the age of 4, Kimberly "Soon-Young" Therres reached up to touch her mother's eyelids "with their prominent folds" and wondered, 'how come mine don't have folds like that?'
It is the earliest memory Therres, now 29, has of realizing for the first time that she was different from her German American adoptive parents and two older brothers. She is an adopted Korean.
Born in Gimhae, South Korea, Therres' biological parents made the difficult decision of putting their daughter up for adoption in 1978. By the time she was five months old, her adoptive parents had come to take her to her new home in Chaska, Minnesota.
"I knew I was adopted, even at that young age," she said. "I don't push away who I am because of how I was raised. I've always stressed my Korean blood, my Korean heritage. I've always felt a sense of pride about it."
Korean adoptee Lisa Medici, 27, displays her Korean heritage proudly - and literally. The simple tattoo on the small of her back spells out the Korean name her birth parents gave her in 1980: Kim Moon Jung.
Medici was born in Seoul, South Korea to the Kim family but by the time she was eight months old she was in Richfield, Minnesota with her adoptive Italian American parents and a very Italian last name.
"It can be an emotional rollercoaster," said Medici of growing up an adopted Korean. "We look at ourselves in the mirror and realize we're not white, we're Asian. It can be weird, bizarre, awkward, and it can also affect our self-esteem."
It's an experience Medici shares with over 13,000 adopted Koreans in Minnesota, the state with the largest population of adoptees from Korea. Nationally there are over 100,000 adopted Koreans.
With so many Korean adoptees in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, a number of support and social groups have cropped up including AK Connection, a non-profit network for adult adopted Koreans. Medici is its current president and Therres is the board's secretary.
At regular meetings and social events throughout the calendar year, adopted Koreans get a chance to build friendships with people from similar backgrounds and share life experiences, with both its ups and downs.
"Being with a group of people with the same experiences, that have been asked the same awkward questions ... it's a shared experience that is powerful and brings people in and keeps them there," said Kim Park Nelson, 36, a former AK Connection board member.
Growing Up Asian Among Non-Asians
Therres grew up in the tiny Minnesota suburb of Chaska, a population of about 17,000. In her public school of 300 students, she was one of two Asians; the other Asian was also an adoptee.
Although her parents openly encouraged her to learn about her Korean heritage, resources in Chaska were limited. Her mother once tried to cook Korean barbecue with rather disastrous results. They ended up at a Chinese restaurant instead.
"Of course that was totally different," said Therres.
Her mother eventually found a summer "cultural camp" and from the second grade until the end of high school Therres got a brief, annual look into her Korean heritage.
But more importantly, this is where she was able to meet fellow adopted Koreans and make lifelong friends.
"I can relate to a lot of people. I have friends from all walks of life but my closest friends are adopted Koreans," she said. "It's a strange experience a lot of people have a hard time understanding. Our identity is very different from other people so there's a bond there."
It's a bond that exists among the hundreds of members of AK Connection and why she stays involved. At their board meetings, lecture series, and bowling leagues she feels at home.
"AK Connection has connected me to people," said Therres.
When people inevitably ask Medici how she identifies, her answer is always the same: "a Korean adoptee." It's something she makes sure to list on her resume, just in case a potential employer expects to see a white woman walk through their doors.
Unlike Therres, Medici grew up in the city of Richfield and was surrounded by diversity. Still, her closest friends were mostly Asian Americans with many of them adopted Koreans. Since she was 18 she's only dated Asian men, a sticking point with her mother who believes she's limiting herself and being close-minded.
"They raised me American so they think I should be American," said Medici. "My parents are very conservative people and I am not, so we bump heads. But I had a great childhood. I love my parents."
"It's about learning who you are. It's a feeling of belonging," she said about her Korean identity. "That it's cool to be Asian, to be proud to be Asian American."
A Search for Birth Parents
It was shortly after the Korean War that the first group of adopted Koreans headed to the United States. In the 1970s there was a resurgence with the largest group of adopted Koreans coming in the mid-1980s.
For many of these adopted Koreans, the urge to seek out and reconnect with birth parents is common. Depending on each adoptee, their experiences can vary widely.
Melissa Brown, 27, was in high school in 1995 when she headed to South Korea with her adoptive parents to meet her biological family. At the adoption agency she saw for the first time her biological father, older sister, and extended family.
Through a translator the two families reconnected. Brown also got the sad news that her birth mother had already passed away.
"It was a difficult mindset change to give up on the idea of meeting my birth mother and to want to meet the father," she said. "Meeting my birth family was something that I wanted to do from an early age. It was very emotional, but it started a continuous relationship with my birth family."
Lisa Ellingson, 25, grew up in northern Minnesota and always knew she wanted to visit her birthplace. In 2004 she got her chance. On a visit to South Korea she decided to stop by her adoption agency and try to locate her birth parents.
Within two weeks she was sitting face to face with her birth mother, aunt, and a cousin.
"It went pretty well," she said.
With the help of a translator, Ellingson learned that her mother had not been married when she became pregnant with her. She still hasn't tried to locate her birth father, at least not yet. Instead, she's focusing on her new relationship with her birth mother.
For many adopted Koreans, the opportunity to reunite with birth parents never materializes. Strict adoption agency rules, poor records, or a wish by birth parents not to be found are some of the problems adoptees run into.
"It can be really painful for people. It's hard to reignite those family relationships and remember, there's always a reason a child was given up for adoption," said Nelson, who is working on a Ph.D dissertation about adopted Koreans. "The circumstances are oftentimes complicated and it can open up wounds for the family."
Medici is hearing impaired and always wondered if she was born with the impairment or whether it was a result of a childhood illness. She may never know.
In 2001 Medici visited her adoption agency in South Korea to try to find her birth parents. She learned that her biological parents had been divorced when she was conceived so they decided to put her up for adoption. She also discovered she has two older biological brothers.
Although it was a comfort to learn the truth about her adoption, there was too little information in her file to locate her birth parents. The adoption agency also made little effort to help her in her search. In the end, she did not want to bring shame to her biological family.
"My real family and brothers don't know that I'm out there," she said. But "My real parents have new lives now. With age you understand their side, they have their own families."
AK Connection is Home
This year Medici finally came to grips with the reality that she may never be able to reunite with her biological parents.
"This year I came at peace with whether or not I'll meet my real parents. It took a while. Either way I can live with it. I need to go on with my life." But "Korea is a place I'm always going to visit."
Medici knows her fellow adopted Koreans have a unique understanding of what she is going through. That's why for her, AK Connection is like a second home.
"Adopted Koreans were adopted into mostly white families, we didn't see any Asians. So finding a place like AK Connection you find people 'who grew up like me,'" said Nelson. "It's the first time you don't have to be racially isolated. It's also the first time you don't have a lot of questions to explain.
"I have a love hate relationship with both the United States and South Korea. I don't deny either one ... I'm in the middle of two worlds. What helps is connecting with people who understand it," said Therres.
Print This Article-
Email This Article