Marsha Aizumi
Five days before Christmas, my husband and I made the difficult decision to let our dog, Mochi, go. After one month of trying to nurse her back to health by taking her out every day in a wagon to go to the bathroom and trying various medications, in the end, she quit eating and had difficulty when we tried to feed her with a syringe. We did not want her to suffer.
It was one of the hardest decisions we have ever made, and we were heartbroken. For any readers who loved their pets and had to let them go, we now understand the sadness and grief that fills your heart when you have to make that choice.
Was this the right time? Should we wait until a little bit longer? Is she suffering? Are we keeping her alive for us, but for her, letting her go is the most compassionate thing to do? The what ifs still haunt me, and I hope one day I will be at peace with the timing of the decision we made.
After months of grieving, I still feel her presence, hear her footsteps and in my mind see her looking around the corner to make sure I am home, when I don’t return to the room she was in. I miss her so much. But I am also filled with so much gratitude for all she taught me and all she gave to me during the 14 years she was alive.
Our sweet Mochi
(Photos: Marsha Aizumi)
And so, in honor of this dog who came into our lives and gave me so much, I wanted to share the indelible lessons she has left in my heart. For those of you who have been reading my column since 2016, I am repeating some of the lessons I wrote about in 2016, and I have added more.
- Mochi always sees me as a loving, supportive person and forgives me when I fall short. As much as I love this little dog, sometimes I make mistakes. When I step on her tail and find a considerable amount of hair on the floor, after a loud yelp, she does not run away and glare at me as if I have done something purposely to hurt her. She turns right around and comes to me with compassion and openness, as if to say, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I forgive you and love you.
Lesson Learned: See the best in people, and do not harbor resentment. You will be happier.
- Mochi creates boundaries for what she needs. Sometimes she likes to be a cuddle dog, and other times she needs her space. Sometimes she wants to be around us, and other times she wants to be in a quiet room alone.
Lesson Learned: Take the time for self-care.
- When Mochi needs something, she will ask. When it is time for our walk, she comes over to me and looks into my eyes, like, “Are you ready to go?” When she wants to play, there she is with a toy in her mouth. When it is time to eat, I hear her little feet coming to remind me.
Lesson Learned: Ask for what you need, and reach out for support in a cute way. Don’t whine and complain (which she sometimes did), but know being sweet, kind and cute works better (at least it did for me).
- Mochi had separation anxiety and hated when we left her alone. We would leave a kong (a toy filled with peanut butter), so that became a way to communicate that we would be back.
Lesson Learned: Communication is key . . . even for dogs.
- Mochi had the cutest spring in her step. Like most dogs, she loved to go for walks. You could feel the joy. Although she would not have received the “Friendliest Dog in the Neighborhood” award (she was very protective of Papa and me), people would comment on how cute she was and how noticeable the joy in her step was. She connected us to so many neighbors we would have never met because of who she was.
Lesson Learned: People are attracted to those who live in joy, even if attracted from a distance.
For those of us who are lucky enough to have a Mochi in our lives — to be missed no matter whether we are gone five minutes or five hours, to be welcomed home as if we were the most important person in their life, to walk with joy and wonder and to love and forgive no matter what we do . . . how fortunate we have been.
Mochi and her wagon
Marsha Aizumi is an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and author of the book “Two Spirits, One Heart: A Mother, Her Transgender Son and Their Journey to Love and Acceptance.” Click here to read past columns.